


I already regret being here

by Karmahatesme



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies)
Genre: Asexual, Bisexual, Carlos honey you’re doing great, Evie know she be lying, F/F, Gay, Gil and Carlos are best boys, It’s a chatfic, Lesbian, M/M, Mal tries to act emo, Normal every day chaos, Pansexual, Sassy Carlos de Vil, Sassy Evie, Swearing, The Villain kids are gay and do crime, There’s Angst as well, They’re all teens they’re all trying their best, Transgender, What more did you expect from me?, ben is trying his best
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2020-10-14 18:40:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20605481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karmahatesme/pseuds/Karmahatesme
Summary: Gayfar: So like how bad is it to start a food fight in the cafeteria?Fulldragonhalfgay: depends what did you throw?Gayfar: a bottle of hot sauce it was glass btwAninnocentpupper: JAY HOLY SHITGayfar: I HIT CHAD IT WASNT SO BADEvielicious: nice shot jay!Fulldragonhalfgay: Evie is a savage confirmedAninnocentpupper: JAY YOU COULDVE GOTTEN HURT!Gibbybutace: i already regret being here





	1. And so the gay begins

**Author's Note:**

> Well look at this! Another chatfic made by a gay ass person! Welp les go!

Be_ gay do crime_

Gayfar: sooooo how’re yall? 

Aninnocentpupper: lmao ‘yall’

Gayfar: I will not take this slander

Evielicious: oooooo! Jay’s trying to be smart again! 

Fulldragonhalfgay: evie is starting the day off with a bang

Gayfar: THE S L A N D E R

Aninnocentpupper: aw sorry jay! 

Gayfar: my heart has been healed

Gayfar: Carlos has brought me back to life

Fulldragonhalfgay: first off HA GAYYYYYYY and second fuckin emo

Evielicious: my oh my is this irony?

Fulldragonhalfgay: i do not appreciate my best friend sassing me today

Gayfar: BITCH WHAT AM I? 

Aninnocentpupper: A ROACH?! 

Fulldragonhalfgay: hush children the adults are talking 

Evielicious: im the only one that hasn’t been arrested yet

Evielicious: you guys still owe me money from bailing you when jay started the kitchen fire

Aninnocentpupper: that was mal and jay actually

Evielicious: and yet I saw all three of you getting into a police car? 

Aninnocentpupper: that’s an off topic question

Gayfar: carlos attempting to throw us under the bus but sassy Evie emerged to throw him under it with us 

Fulldragonhalfgay: Either evie is feeling really gay or she’s feeling lucky with getting away with this shit

Gayfar: or both

Evielicious: its both

_Me and the boys_

BiP!ATD: help she’s meeting my standards

lemmesteal: ha thats Gay! 

Fuckdapolice: jay you’re gay

lemmesteal: shit you rite

BiP!ATD: you guys arent helping

Fuckdapolice: when do we help? 

lemmesteal: sassy carlos coming out again? 

Fuckdapolice: bitch he was always out of the closet

_Be gay do crime_

Fulldragonhalfgay: my best friends are all little shits

Evielicious: :(

Fulldragonhalfgay: cept you evie you’re an angel and we’re glad you’re here

Evielicious: :)

Gayfar: So like how bad is it to start a food fight in the cafeteria?

Fulldragonhalfgay: depends what did you throw?

Gayfar: a bottle of hot sauce it was glass btw

Aninnocentpupper: JAY HOLY SHIT

Gayfar: I HIT CHAD IT WASNT SO BAD

Evielicious: nice shot jay!

Fulldragonhalfgay: Evie is a savage confirmed

Aninnocentpupper: JAY YOU COULDVE GOTTEN HURT!

Gibbybutace: i already regret being here

Evielicious: forgot uma and her crew were on this chat as well

whatsmyname: wassup fuckers

hookedboyo: why do you have my phone? 

Gibbybutace: CAUSE FUCK YOU THATS WHY! 

Gayfar: damn that’s a good squad

Evielicious: shut up gay

Evielicious: jay*

Evielicious: eh still works

Gayfar: this is slander against my good name

Fulldragonhalfgay: lol what good name

hookedboyo: nearly all of us have been arrested aside from our lovely bailer! 

Evielicious: you guys still owe me btw

whatsmyname: ill get the money 

Gibbybutace: same!

hookedboyo: same ere oh mighty queen

Fulldragonhalfgay: they’re more organised than us wtf?????

Aninnocentpupper: weve been in auradon longer yet we still arent as organised as them?

Gayfar: lmao we all ded

Evielicious: the shit I have to put up with people

whatsmyname: thats rough buddy

Evielicious: DONT EVEN

_Heathers but bitchier_

Dwagon UwU: WHY THE FUCK DID YOU MAKE THIS MY HSERNAME

Tentaclekink: WHY THE FUCK DID YOU MAKE THIS MINE

Dwagon UwU: BITCH

Tentaclekink: FUCKER

Dwagon UwU: Alright back to business

Dwagon UwU: im gay for evie 

Tentaclekink: wow you want a fucking award or smthn? 

Dwagon UwU: anymore sass out of you and im telling harry where you hid all his hooks

Tentaclekink: bitch 

Tentaclekink: but fine what do you need help with? 

Dwagon UwU: help me be the chaotic bi I am and help me get together with evie

Tentaclekink: fine but only if we can get Lonnie, Dizzie and Carlos in

Dwagon UwU: ah the sword lesbian and the child we must protect and the gay hacker? Deal

Tentaclekink: nice now all we gotta do is get Evie to realise her gay ass feelings for you

Dwagon UwU: we never speak of these names and we must complete this mission

Tentaclekink: never speak of these weird ass names and do the gay shit

Tentaclekink: sounds fun


	2. And I nyoom-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DISHONORONYOU: if you wouldn’t mind me asking
> 
> DISHONORONYOU: why the hell did I see Mal, Jay and Carlos run away from you? 
> 
> chaoticlesbian: oh they owe me some money AND THOSE FUCKERS HAVENT PAID IT YET
> 
> biandreadytodie: yee me and uma and gil have all paid already
> 
> DISHONORONYOU: ah makes sense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey more gay shit that everyone likes surprisingly!

_We have a crush on our best friend squad! _

DISHONORONYOU: so like, girls

biandreadytodie: they’re terrifying but amazing

chaoticlesbian: girls are awesome

lawfulgay: cant relate im gay

chaoticlesbian: wheres my money carlos? 

lawfulgay: GOTTA BLAST! 

_lawfulgay is offline_

chaoticlesbian: give me one minute

_chaoticlesbian is offline_

DISHONORONYOU: ok? 

biandreadytodie: ooooo he ded

DISHONORONYOU: so howre you and uma harry? 

biandreadytodie: my feelings with uma is the screaming part in emotions by our Queen mariah 

DISHONORONYOU: i mean mood

_chaoticlesbian is online_

DISHONORONYOU: if you wouldn’t mind me asking

DISHONORONYOU: why the hell did I see Mal, Jay and Carlos run away from you?

chaoticlesbian: oh they owe me some money AND THOSE FUCKERS HAVENT PAID IT YET

biandreadytodie: yee me and uma and gil have all paid already

DISHONORONYOU: ah makes sense

_Be gay do crime_

Gayfar: mal why did you have to yell “FUCKIN NYOOM” 

Fulldragonhalfgay: I WAS PANICKING

Aninnocentpupper: i mean where’s the lie? 

Fulldragonhalfgay: f u guys i was in a state of pnaic

Aninnocentpupper: lol pnaic

Fulldragonhalfgay: I hate everyone

Gayfar: wow that’s Emo

Fulldragonhalfgay: i hate you as well jay

Gayfar: well at least Evie doesn’t know where we are!

Evielicous: bold of you to assume I haven’t tracked you guys down

Aninnocentpupper: REEEEEE

Gayfar: REEEEE

Fulldragonhalfgay: PLEASE HAVE MERCY E

Evielicous: listen *mafia leader accent* I got you guys out of prison again, you guys owe me the money, it’s a very simple job and if I don’t get the money then you guys don’t get out Of jail! 

whatsmyname: lol evie is a gang leader huh? 

Gibbybutace: Mal: Evie can’t find us here!

Jay: Yeah it’s not like she’s following our every move!

Carlos:...I mean yeah!

Evie: *coming out of FUCKING NOWHERE* Heard y’all were talking shit?

Everyone else: *high pitched screeching*

hookedboyo: Thanks for the chaotic update gil

Gibbybutace: its my job to spill the tea

whatsmyname: hi Yes May I introduce you to our lord and savior Evie?

Evielicious: yes yes I give the gay input and am a mafia boss while also rock with fashion 

Fulldragonhalfgay: evie you nearly killed us all

Aninnocentpupper: all this for bail money

Gayfar: its all fair in love and war

Evielicious: thank you jay since you actually had the money

Gayfar: no problem eves

hookedboyo: ah you managed to stay alive?

Gayfar: eh

Aninnocentpupper: ah ah ah ah stayin alive stayin alive

Fulldragonhalfgay: quoting Heathers here “Well fuck me with a chainsaw!”

Gibbybutace: quoting dear Evan Hansen here “KiNkY!”

hookedboyo: fuckin nerds

whatsmyname: stfu harry you saw Hamilton and cried

hookedboyo: I came here for a good time and I’m honestly feeling attacked rn

Evielicious: Quoting our lord and savior Hayley Kiyoko here “Girls like girls like boys do” 

Evielicious: now to find mal and murder her for the money

Fulldragonhalfgay: FUCKIN NYOOM

Aninnocentpupper: See! There she goes again! 

Gayfar: Aw shit here we go again! 

whatsmyname: $20 That Evie makes a height joke when she returns 

hookedboyo: deal

Gayfar: deal

Gibbybutace: deal

Aninnocentpupper: I’m not stupid

Evielicious: so Mal managed to get away

Evielicious: shes too small to catch

Fulldragonhalfgay: I am 2 INCHES SMALLER THAN YOU! 

Evielicious: 2 inches too little

whatsmyname: pay up bitches

hookedboyo: well shit

Gayfar: fuck man

Fulldragonhalfgay: uma i feel betrayed

Gibbybutace: i am disgusted I am revolted I dedicated my whole life to our lord and savior Jesus Christ and this is the Thanks I get? 

Evielicious: welp good to know I make a lot of height jokes

Fulldragonhalfgay: I hate you

Evielicious: no you don’t 

Fulldragonhalfgay: thas it the script is coming out

Evielicous: wait no

Fulldragonhalfgay: According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. 

Gayfar: mal That was way too long for copy and paste 

Fulldragonhalfgay: I know

Evielicious: She has the entire start fucking memorised dear fairy godmother help me

whatsmyname: I think some of us had a bit too much free time after classes

Fulldragonhalfgay: Yeah reading this over I think you’re rught 

hookedboyo: rught

Evielicious: rught

Aninnocentpupper: rught

Gibbybutace: rught

Gayfar: rught

whatsmyname: rught

Fulldragonhalfgay: I have no friends

Evielicious: :(

Aninnocentpupper: :(

Fulldragonhalfgay: I have two friends

whatsmyname: whipped

Fulldragonhalfgay: What? One deserves the world and the other is gay

hookedboyo: idk which ones which

Gayfar: same

Fulldragonhalfgay: excellent my plan has worked 

whatsmyname: you have a favourite right? 

Fulldragonhalfgay: I like everyone equally

Gayfar: it’s evie isn’t it? 

Fulldragonhalfgay:....

hookedboyo: Yep it’s evie 

Aninnocentpupper: lmao gay

Evielicious: carlos we’re all a little bit gay

Aninnocentpupper: we all gay you either do crime or be good

Gibbybutace: whatcha gon do? 

whatsmyname: whatcha gon do? 

Fulldragonhalfgay: this chat is a fucking masterpiece 


	3. We’re gay but won’t do crime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ChadwickCharmulous: So like who’s the most chaotic gay? 
> 
> LiLonniedale: mal all the way
> 
> JanetGodmother: evie, shes an icon chaotic gay
> 
> DizzuliousTreamaine: jay the gay
> 
> BenjaminBeast: Carlos is a very gay gay 
> 
> ChadwickCharmulous: youre all wrong its audrey 
> 
> LiLonnidale: you asked us? How dare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey it’s time to see how the other gays are doing!

> _We’re gay but won’t do crime_

ChadwickCharmulous: i just love how we made our names so extra

LiLonniedale: its a known fact that we’re all extra and gay

JanetGodmother: simple as bitchhes 

ChadwickCharmulous: lmao how the fuck did you spell that

JanetGodmother: Listen its another known fact that im shit at spelling

DizzulousTremaine: wow what a revelation 

LiLonniedale: Oh shit sass child is here

DizzulousTremaine: im the sass guardian guardian of sass

JanetGodmother: POSEIDON QUIVERS BEFORE HER! 

DizzulousTremaine: *to the isle* FUCK OFF

ChadwickCharmulous: yo how bad was the isle? 

DizzulousTremaine: Really shitty but here I can be as gay as I want to be 

JanetGodmother: i wish 

ChadwickCharmulous: Yeah you guys get away with it but me and the other closeted gays have these ‘expectations’ on us like lmao tf? I’m expected to run a kingdom with a healthy mind and body? 

JanetGodmother: rt that shit

LiLonnidale: we preach the word of chad 

DizzulousTremaine: mkay so we’re all gay but some of us are too scared to yell it? 

BenjaminBeast: ye

ChadwickCharmulous: HOLY SHIT WHEN DID YOU GET HERE

BenjaminBeast: who do you think made the chat? 

LiLonniedale: ye cause I never gave chad me numbero 

ChadwickCharmulous: we were both awkward gays

LiLonnidale: i was a sword lesbian

DizzulousTremaine: we praise a sword lesbian

JanetGodmother: nothing can stop her

BenjaminBeast: the shit I have to go through as a king tho like holy fuck give me a break homophobes

ChadwickCharmulous: lmao mood

LiLonnidale: thas a mood

ChadwickCharmulous: to nyoom the topic away

ChadwickCharmulous: So like who’s the most chaotic gay?

LiLonniedale: mal all the way

JanetGodmother: evie, shes an icon chaotic gay

DizzuliousTreamaine: jay the gay

BenjaminBeast: Carlos is a very gay gay

ChadwickCharmulous: youre all wrong its audrey

LiLonnidale: you asked us? How dare

JanetGodmother: I mean she is very chaotic and a very powerful lesbian

DizzulousTremaine: I thought she was from Auradon? 

BenjaminBeast: *confused gay sounds*

_Fireflies is our anthem_

Insomniac bi: you would not believe your eyes

Insomniac ace: if my life was actually nice

Insomniac Closeted Gay: in this shitty world we call life

Insomniac bi: nice work chad and gil 

Insomniac ace: thanks mal 

Insomniac Closeted Gay: sooo like, can we be gay and sleep properly? 

Insomniac bi: lmao like life wants us to be happy

Insomniac ace: meeting over now we must go and be secret gays

_Be gay do crime_

Gaywitchbitch: hi so like g a y

icantellyoureshit: mood

Fulldragonhalfgay: Sweet audrey and celia are Back

Gayfar: all hail gaywitchbitch

Aninnocentpupper: only one god? I know two and their names are evie and audrey

Evielicious: i tank

Gaywitchbitch: tank that shit

icantellyoureshit: t o n k 

Gayfar: who gave celia sugar again? 

Fulldragonhalfgay: Wait shit I wasnt meant to? 

Evielicious: MAL WHYD YOU DO THAT

Fulldragonhalfgay: WELL I DIDNT KNKW THAT SHED ACT LIKE SHES HIGH ON DRUGS

icantellyoureshit: lmao nah I just like saying words incorrectly 

Gaywitchbitch: same it annoyes everyone else

Gayfar: if it weren’t for the laws of this land I would have slaughtered you

Gaywitchbitch: imma bad bitch you can’t kill me

Aninnocentpupper: she’s got you there

Gayfar: well shit

Evielicious: I AM WHEEZING

Gaywitchbitch: WHAT HAPPENED 

Fulldragonhalfgay: NO EVIE DONT TELL THEM

Gayfar: gotta tell us now bruv

Aninnocentpupper: YES TELL US

Evielicious: So me and Mal were playing just dance 4

icantellyoureshit: a classic

Evielicious: indeed and we were doing the final countdown

Gibbybutace: do tell more

Fulldragonhalfgay: SHIT THE SEA THREE ARE HERE

whatsmyname: yee

hookedboyo: I can already tell where this is going

Evielicious: so we’re doing the part where one person rolls under and one jumps over them

Gaywitchbitch: OH SHIT I KNOW WHAT HAPPEND

Evielicious: and I roll under Mal and she tries to jump over BUT FUCKING TRIPS AND FALLS ON HER ARM

Aninnocentpupper: HWIFNWKDBEK MAL OH MY GOD

Fulldragonhalfgay: SHUT UP YOU GUYS HAVE BETRAYED ME

icantellyoureshit: NAH MORE LIKE YOUR HEIGHT HAS BETRAYED YOU

Fulldragonhalfgay: SHUT UP CELIA

Evielicious: BUT WAIT THERES MORE

whatsmyname: THERES MORE?

Fulldragonhalfgay: NOOOOOO

Evielicious: ONCE MAL HIT THE FLOOR I SUDDENLY HEAR “FUCK MY ARM”

Gibbybutace: WAIT MAL BROKE HER FUCKING ARM BY TRIPPING OVER YOU?!

Evielicious: SHE DISLOCATED IT

hookedboyo: OH MY GODDDDDD THIS IS AMAZING

Fulldragonhalfgay: I feel betrayed

Gaywitchbitch: I had walked past their dorm when that happened, stares at Mal for a solid 5 seconds then left severely disappointed 

Aninnocentpupper: WAIT SHIT DID YOU ET IT ON CAMERA?

Evielicious: WE WERE CIDEOING IT TO SHOW YOU HOW WE WERE BETTER THAN YOU AT IT O H Y E S

Fulldragonhalfgay: O H N O

whatsmyname: SHOW US EVIE

Evielicious: ILL SHOW YOU GUYS LATER

Gaywitchbitch: well today was a good day to return

icantellyoureshit: ye

Fulldragonhalfgay: Siri how do I commiteth wii destruction? 

Evielicious: WAIT NO MAL THAT SHIT WAS EXPENSIVE


	4. A healthy teenage lifestyle? Don’t know them! Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killme: So like, I found my old Mario kart shit...
> 
> Excusemeprincess: Mal no
> 
> Gayhacker: mal yes 
> 
> Killme: I must evie
> 
> swordlesbian: sooooo shits gonna go down and you want us to join in? 
> 
> Killme: y e s
> 
> Bibbidiboppidibitch: lmao im in my moms away on some mission 
> 
> mustprotecc: sure but I bagsi rosalina 
> 
> littleshit: why dizzy? 
> 
> mustprotecc: she’s a gay icon in my eyes
> 
> Aye aye captain: tru

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A group chat with the most chaotic gays you’ve ever seen, they play Mario kart and holy fuck does it go to shit

_We’re all gay and very chaotic_

babybeast: mmmmmm gay

chittychittychadchad: fuckin mood

Are ye ready kids?: can’t relate I’m a heavy bi

Aye aye captain: im ace but o k

Excusemeprincess: has anyone seen Mal? 

Gayhacker: She still owe the money? 

Excusemeprincess: oh yeah thanks for reminding me

Killme: FUCKING HELL CARLOS

Gayhacker: IM SORRY I THOUGHT YOU HAD PAID

Excusemeprincess: hippity hoppity your money is now my property 

Killme: if I don’t return you’ll know what happened to me

Killme: bury me with my bi flag

Gaythief: bold of you to assume we didn’t already think of doing that

Killme: SHIT SHES IEHFKNOWNDM

littleshit: we have lost another soldier in the wars of the mafia leader

babybeast: lmao so sad

chittychittychadchad: Alexa play Despacito

Killme: n o evie will start singing 

Excusemeprincess: im a Latina, Ive stanned Shakira since I was 5 so nothing can fucking stop me now bitches 

Gaythief: i feel like evie also can dance like shakira 

Killme: She can

Gayhacker: thats gay

icantsleep: lmao in this chat we all gay

mustprotecc: how the fuck am I meant to keep you guys in check? 

Bibbidiboppidibitch: my mom after she sees the squad after the first time 

swordlesbian: pretty sure I brought a sword on the first day

icantsleep: you did

chittychittychadchad: it traumatized me

littleshit: lmao I should’ve come to Auradon high af

mustprotecc: well I’m glad you didn’t 

littleshit: how come? 

mustprotecc: cause I care about you celia 

Are ye ready kids?: HOLY SHIT MY HEART

Killme: when a child has more emotions that you ever could have 

Excusemeprincess: Mal stfu this is a happy moment not your emo biography 

Killme: SHUT UP

Gaythief: What Mal means is “Shit she got me!”

Gayhacker: nice

Aye aye captain: well after this emotional outburst of gay

I can’t hear you!: stfu I’m tryna find me hooks since SOMEONE *cough* Uma has hidden them!

icantsleep: suffer under the hands of a person with a tentacle kink

Are ye ready kids?: Audrey I swear

babybeast: damn, Audrey’s calling people out! 

icantsleep: shut up furry

chittychittychadchad: GET DOWN SHES CALIMG EVERYONE OUT! 

icantsleep: oh sorry! Must of spilled the bleach you use to clean your teeth! 

littleshit: daaaaaaamn I mean I just zoned out in gay after what dizzy sajd but auds you got some fire! 

icantsleep: Yeah Sorry must’ve mixed up Hook’s Pokémon cards with your shit fortune telling cards but hey! There’s barely any difference! 

Killme: SHES GOTTEN TWO AT ONCE

icantsleep: cant believe I’m friends with a scalie 

Killme:...I am disgusted

mustprotecc: Audrey oh my goooooodmother! 

icantsleep: I don’t wanna roast you, you’re too precious

Excusemeprincess: an excellent choice

I can’t hear you!: my precious Pokemon cards were roasted in the field of battle...

Killme: GUYS SHUT UP

Excusemeprincess: Mal just went really deep into her closet and I heard a crash so she’s either dead or really fucking stupid

Killme: I lived bitch

Gayhacker: so my friend who went into her closet was tryna find some shit but she hadn’t come out in two days and today I get this message

Gaythief: I’m so proud

babybeast: I can’t believe I’m friends with a bunch of idiots

swordlesbian: I mean you expected this

babybeast: true true

Aye aye captain: I’m feeling attacked

Are ye ready kids?: gil’s Feeling attacked guys

Killme: So like, I found my old Mario kart shit...

Excusemeprincess: Mal no

Gayhacker: mal yes

Killme: I must evie

swordlesbian: sooooo shits gonna go down and you want us to join in?

Killme: y e s

Bibbidiboppidibitch: lmao im in my moms away on some mission

mustprotecc: sure but I bagsi rosalina

littleshit: why dizzy?

mustprotecc: she’s a gay icon in my eyes

Aye aye captain: tru

Gayhacker: you guys can come to me and jays dorm, we’ve got the best gaming setup

Killme: sweet we’ll be there in a couple of minutes

_We’re all gay and very chaotic_

Gaythief: we’re all here expect for FUCKING HARRY HURRY THE FUCK UP

I can’t hear you!: SHUT UP I WANTED TO TRY AND FIND MY HOOKS BUT FUCKING UMA HID THEM WELL

Killme: Rught now that’s everyone here

Excusemeprincess: rught

Killme: shut up or you’re not gonna play

Killme: anyways, what’s gonna happen is since only 4 people can play at a time on the wii we’re gonna have a round robin

Killme: first and second place move to the next round, third and fourth have to wait for the other thirds and fourths to decide the ultimate loser

Killme: winner gets bragging rights and the ultimate loser has to do whatever the winner says for a whole day

mustprotecc: fair enough

Bibbidiboppidibitch: you’re aloud to distract your opponents only when you’re racing with them

littleshit: finally my time has come

sworslesbian: great now I get to use my swords! 

chittychittychadchad: mom come pick me up I’m scared

babybeast: sssssh they smell fear

Gayhacker: Round one we got Dizzy, Jay, Audrey and Gil

Gaythief: What do you guys want to start on?

Aye aye captain: coconut mall

mustprotecc: coconut mall

icantsleep: coconut mall

Gaythief : coconut mall

chittychittychadchad: an excellent choice in my opinion 

Gayhacker: *our opinions

Excusemeprincess: sounds like communist propaganda but ok

Killme: AUDREY NO STOP HORDING ALL THE GOOD ITEMS AND USING THEM WHEN YOURE FIRST

icantsleep: can’t touch this

Are ye ready kids?: we stan a bitch who has good tactics

I can’t hear you!: this tune tho

swordlesbian: it’s so happy and so catchy???? Like oh my god can I buy ten copies of this song?

babybeast: I mean mood?

Bibbidiboppidibitch: after an unsurprising win from Audrey and Dizzy, Gil and Jay are now curled up in balls crying

littleshit: can’t believe Dizzy red shelled Jay at the last second to take second place

Gaythief: FUCKIN HELL DIZ

mustprotecc: nothing can stop me bitches 

Are ye ready kids?: THE CHILD HAS SWORN

Gaythief: OH MY GOD SHE SWORE

swordlesbian: WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU LEARN THAT LANGUAGE

Killme: found the person responsible 

swordlesbian: mmmm gay 

babybeast: can’t use that shit now lonnidale

icantsleep: run while you can lonnie 

Bibbidiboppidibitch: holy shit she just??? Yeeted out of the room so fast??? I don’t even think sonic weed speed could catch her???

Excusemeprincess: these are the friends I stuck with

Gayhacker: this is what we call a “Pro gaymer move” 

mustprotecc: fuckin pussy

Aye aye captain: DIZZY NO! 


	5. A healthy teenage lifestyle? Don’t know them! Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excuse me princess: Nobody: 
> 
> Excuse me princess: Mal at 3am: Is water wet? 
> 
> I can’t hear you!: I know you’re only doing this because she’s currently playing a match so thank you and also I’m impressed that you can text while playing
> 
> littleshit: oooooo She ded
> 
> Gayhacker: celia shut up you disaster Lesbian
> 
> littleshit: I TRUSTED YOU WITH THAT SHIT
> 
> swordlesbian: well isn’t this chat just full of happiness?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention, thanks for the kudos and comments guys! I know my uploads are all over the place but hey! I try!

_We’re all gay and very chaotic_

Killme: Next round is the little shit, a guy who has a kink for hooks, a literal furry, and mr clean but he has hair

chittychittychadchad: THIS IS A BLATANT CALL OUT AND I WILL STAND FOR IT

littleshit: Sweet I get to destroy y’all as mcfuckin toad

babybeast: I’m too used to the furry jokes now but oh my god Celia please don’t be that annoying infected mushroom

littleshit: too late he has been chosen 

I can’t hear you!: fuckin hell shes gonna do that stupid assvoice now

little shit: HALLO

Bibbidiboppidibitch: I can hear it I CANHEAR IT 

Gaythief: where even are you and Lonnie? 

swordlesbian: a true warrior hides from her problems 

Bibbidiboppidibitch: well I’ll take fuckin offence to that

swordlesbian: waitno-

Are ye ready kids?: ooooooo Lonnie fucked up! 

Killme: anyways I’m choosing the track this time and it’s gone Be mushroom gorge

littleshit: toad brethren 

Killme: scratch that cause Celia will make a toad noise evey fucking time she bounces off a mushroom we’re doing fuckin uhhhhh moo moo meadows

littleshit: aww 

I can’t hear you!: thank you mal 

chittychittychadchad: our lord and savior

babybeast: numbero 3 Of lord and saviors 

Excuse me princess: so Celia makes toad noises in any race course? 

mustprotecc: yes 

Gayhacker: you’ve been banned from texting cus you swore

mustprotecc: can’t stop me

icantsleep: dizzy get down from the closet and stop screeching at carlos 

icantsleep: Carlos stop screeching back at dizzy and try to get her down

icantsleep: I’m getting some fucking coffee

Are ye ready kids?: Audrey out here being a mood and OHHHHHH HARRY GOT REKT BY MR CLEANS SON

I can’t hear you!: SHUT UP HE BLUE SHELLED ME

Aye aye captain: *sad lmao*

Gaythief: this time on, Mario Kart ruined my friends, will Celia ever shut the fuck up? 

Excusemeprincess: the answer is never and OH MY GOD DIZZY IF YOU DO NOT GET DOWN FROM THAT CLOSET

mustprotecc: SHUT UP I CAME OUT OF IT AT LEAST

swordlesbian: we all have sweetie don’t worry about it

Bibbidiboppidibitch: and we’re all supportive of each other

icantsleep: i go to get some fucking coffee and when I’m nearing the dorm I just hear “HALLO-“ And then something breaking

Killme: Celia had finished second and Harry threw one of his hooks at her and he hit the closet and Dizzy fell off of it onto the table because we had pushed the things together to make room for all of us and now it’s broken but Dizzy’s fine

swordlesbian: That sounds interesting 

Gayhacker: It was and now Celia is apologizing to Dizzy way too much

chittychittychadchad: shut up she’s gay

babybeast: wow chad got first and harry got last

I can’t hear you!: istg I’m going to throw another hook at you celia 

littleshit: TRY ME BITCH

mustprotecc: LONNIE YOU GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK

swordlesbian: whaaaaat? You mean kicking the door open out of nowhere wouldn’t give you one? 

Bibbidiboppidibitch: I apologise on her behalf

swordlesbian: I don’t! 

Killme: well then it’s my turn along with Lonnie, carlos and evie 

Are ye ready kids?: why the fuck does lonnie have a sword with her rn? 

babybeast: well this is gonna end happily! 

chittychittychadchad: he said with such sarcasm

babybeast: shut up 

swordlesbian: wish me luck

Bibbidiboppidibitch: dont kill anyone

swordlesbian: no promises

Excusemeprincess: Guess I’ll die then

Gayhacker: Im fucny kong and nothing can stop me

Killme: ceot youre soekking 

Gaythief: What the actual fuck are you trying to say

Killme: shut up im bi

Excusemeprincsss: and I’m lesbian but who gives a shit? 

Killme: this is biphobia

Are ye ready kids?: shut up and drive bitches 

littleshit: my monys on evie

mustprotecc: same 

icantsleep: nobody is betting any of their money while im still gay

I can’t hear you!: welp that solves everyone’s gambling addiction

Bibbidiboppidibitch: man Lonnie looks so hot 

_Bibbidiboppidibitch has deleted (1) message! _

Bibbidiboppidibitch: you saw nothing

Aye age captain: alright

chittychittychadchad: nothing at all

Excuse me princess: Nobody:

Excuse me princess: Mal at 3am: Is water wet?

I can’t hear you!: I know you’re only doing this because she’s currently playing a match so thank you and also I’m impressed that you can text while playing

littleshit: oooooo She ded

Gayhacker: celia shut up you disaster Lesbian

littleshit: I TRUSTED YOU WITH THAT SHIT

swordlesbian: well isn’t this chat just full of happiness?

babybeast: good move evie, kissing mals cheek to take first place

Gaythief: I think she’s incoherent 

Gayhacker: I think she’s dead

Excusemeprincess: well it got me first place and now mals second

Gayhacker: fucking hell funky kong

Gaythief: Mal is still incoherent 

littleshit: Yeah definetly dead 

babybeast: ill plan the funeral

icantsleep: I’m getting more coffee I’m running on 2 hours of sleep and 4 cups of coffee I’m a fucking goddess and nothing can stop me now bitches

Are ye ready kids?: i really just want to annoy her now but that will just lead to me being punched or burning hot coffee will be thrown on me

I can’t hear you!: probably both

Aye aye captain: Yeah its gonna be both so dont risk it

Are ye ready kids?: fine

swordlesbian: fuck I got 3rd

Bibbidiboppidibitch: aw don’t worry about it! 

swordlesbian: Thanks jane 

littleshit: diz you sure you’re ok? 

mustprotecc: Yeah don’t worry about it Celia! Just a little fall that’s all! 

icantsleep: if you call falling from the top of a closet down to a table and breaking t in half a little fall then bitch you high

mustprotecc: I-

chittychittychadchad: AND I OOP-

icantsleep: MR CLEAN BETTER GET HIS SONS FUNERAL READY CAUSE HE GON DIE TONIGHT 

Excusemeprincess: SHES GOT COFFEE SOMEONE STOP HER

icantsleep: BURN IN HELL BITCHES

Killme: What the fuck did I come back to after bi panicking? 

Gayhacker: a lot of shit

Killme: So the usual? 

mustprotecc: yep 

babybeast: you guys are fucking nightmares why do I deal with this

swordlesbian: because we’re all gay and you know you can’t rant to anyone else

babybeast:...i mean you got me there

Bibbidiboppidibitch: yeah I mean AUDREY PUT THAT COFFEE DOWN

icantsleep: BURRRRRRRRRRRN

Gaythief: well isn’t this a nice Saturday activity? 


	6. Spoopy scary spelling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are ye ready kids?: and remember fuckers (and Dizzy) 
> 
> Aye aye captain!: always accept weed from strangers! 
> 
> Bibbidiboppidibitch: No please don’t do this 
> 
> Killme: ok uma no need to be salty because you fucking lost
> 
> I can’t hear you!: shes always like this tho?????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao it’s spoopy season

Killme: lmao it’s spoopy season bitches

Excusemeprincess: too bad im too tall to participate but mals the perfect child height! 

Killme: HOW MCFUCKING DARE YOU

Gaythief: lmao same

Gayhacker: lmao same

icantsleep: hades please just take me now

littleshit: audrey is officially done with all of this

Killme: YOU KBOE EHAT FUCK THIS ONLY PROPLE WHO GOT FIRST PLACE GET TO GO THROUGH THE NEXT ROUND

mustprotecc: but mal that means you lost? 

Killme:...SHIT 

littleshit: lets just take a break and play some just dance

Excusemeprincess: YES

Killme: NO

mustprotecc: Yeah! 

Killme: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

icantsleep: Mal shut up just let them have fun it’s fuckin halloween 

I can’t hear you!: ye but it’s also 1am so we gotta be quiet

icantsleep: dont worry we will be

swordlesbian: yay! I BAGSI THE PUMPKIN KING 

Killme: THIS DAY JUST KEEPS ON GETTING WORSE

Aye aye captain: and it’s only 1am! 

Are ye ready kids?: gil shut up

Aye aye captain: no tentacle kink

icantsleep: UMA STOP PUTTING GIL IN A CHOKEHOLD I SWEAR TO GOD EVEN IM MORE REAPONIBLE THAN YOU LITTLE SHITS

babybeast: reaponible

chittychittychadchad: reaponible

icantsleep: Chad I already nearly murdered you once I WILL NOT HESITATE BITCH 

mustprotecc: shut up gays and watch me beat celia in this is halloween

Bibbidiboppidibitch: I swear to the gods above Lonnie you can play next 

swordlesbian: :(

Bibbidiboppidibitch: :)

swordlesbian: :) 

Killme: fuckin whipped

swordlesbian: says you shorty 

Killme: WHY WHY MUST EVERYONE HURT ME

I can’t hear you!: nice work dizzy tripping over your “shoelaces” to fall on top of Celia

Excusemeprincess: this is peak gay content

babybeast: in this house we respect the gays

chittychittychadchad: in this house we watch celia getting destroyed at just dance

littleshit: SHUT YOUR UP

Gaythief: even with Dizzy falling on top of you she’s still winning 

Gayhacker: lmao Jay the gay speaks the truth

mustprotecc: HHHHHHNNNNNNNN

Killme: HA GAYYYYYY

Excusemeprincess: no u

Are ye ready kids?: and thus mal was destroyed within two simple words

Aye aye captain: I dieded and so did mal 

swordlesbian: ALRIGHT UMA ME VS YOU

Are ye ready kids?: BRING IT BITCH

swordlesbian: PUMPKIN KING HERE I COME! 

icantsleep: UMA STOP YELLING YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE ANOTHER CHARACTER 

Are ye ready kids?: BUT ALL THE OTHER CHARACTERS ARE SHIT

Bibbidiboppidibitch: JUST CHOOSE ONE I SWEAR TO THE GODS

I can’t hear you!: wow lonnie’d got skils 

Gayhacker: your grammar is shy but you right you right

babybeast: UMA KEEPS TRIPPING OVER HER TENTACLES HER KINK IS GETTING THE BETTER OF HER

chittychittychadchad: lmao Ben gon die

Excusemeprincess: uma just collapsed on the ground at the end which is a mood

Are ye ready kids?: and remember fuckers (and Dizzy)

Aye aye captain!: always accept weed from strangers!

Bibbidiboppidibitch: No please don’t do this

Killme: ok uma no need to be salty because you fucking lost

I can’t hear you!: shes always like this tho?????

Are ye ready kids?: BEN WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY

chittychittychadchad: RUN BEN RUN

swordlesbian: RUN WHILE YOU CAN

icantsleep: im so fucking done with you lot 

Gaythief: honestly I can’t blme you

Gayhacker: and we’re all shit at spelling

Bibbidiboppidibitch: me in partvular 

Killme: What the fuck are you trying to say

Bibbidiboppidibitch: i dont even know anymore

swordlesbian: guys maybe we should sleep? 

icantsleep: bruh

littleshit: lmao like I can sleep

mustprotecc: celia I will make you sleep

littleshit: Oh shit I’m gay

Excusemeprincess: UMA CHASE BEN QUIETLY WERE GONNA SLEEP NOW

Are ye ready kids?: FINE BUT IF HES MISSING TOMORROW YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM

Aye aye captain: aighth you mad squid lad

chittychittychadchad: SLEEP YOU HEATHENS! 


	7. Let me in! LET ME IN!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killme: AUDREY LET ME FUCKING IN
> 
> Excusemeprincess: we’re trying to find the key mal just stay calm
> 
> Killme: BUT MY PANCAKES
> 
> icantsleep: you know what fuck this
> 
> Are ye ready kids?: audrey really be out her jumping out of the window
> 
> Bibbidiboppidibitch: LONNIE DONT FOLLOW AFTER HER WHAT THE FCKL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While the usual chaos is going down two characters have a talk about their feelings

Aye aye captain!: gooooooood morning fellow insomniacs! 

Aye aye captain!: shit wrong chat

icantsleep: no right chat cuase i actually managed to set a new record

mustprotecc: im scared to ask what it is? 

icantsleep: least amount of sleep time! a whole 30 minutes! 

Gaythief: So that’s why you’re on your third cup of coffee

Gayhacker: man I wanna get breakfast

Are ye ready kids?: well then get breakfast you fucking idiot

Gayhacker: ITS MY ROOM AND I GET TO CHOOSE WHEN I GO FOR BREAKFAST

Gayhacker: were going for breakfast guys

icantsleep: ill stay back 

Excusemeprincess: can you bring me back some pancakes

Killme: can’t you go get them yourself?

Excusemeprincess: no

Aye aye captain!: i got them for ya! 

Excusemeprincess: THANKS GIL

Killme: SUCK UP

Aye aye captain!: AT LEAST IM NOT A SCALIE

Killme: YOU TURN INTO A DRAGON ONE TIME AND SUDDENLY YOURE A UCKIG SCALIE 

babybeast: hades take me now

chittychittychadchad: celia can you kill me with those cards? 

littleshit: SURE! 

mustprotecc: How about no-

Bibbidiboppidibitch: just get the gods damn pancakes please 

I can’t hear you!: only jane would be that polite while also saying gods damn

Bibbidiboppidibitch: shut up hooker

Are ye ready kids?: THANKS FOR THE NEW NICKNAME JANE

I can’t hear you!: oh shit oh fuck can I not just die in peace

swordlesbian: no

I can’t hear you!: fair enough, have a nice day

icantsleep: mmkay so we may or may not have a situation???

Killme: whats the sitch wade? 

icantsleep: first off youre a fucking nerd and second the doors locked and i don’t have the key sooooo

Killme: WAIT WHAT

Excusemeprincess: yep the doors locked, me, Jane, Audrey, Lonnie and Uma are trapped in here till Carlos and Jay get back

Aye aye captain!: where are they? 

Excusemeprincess: probably making out in a closet

Are ye ready kids?: how ironic

Killme: I got my pancakes and we cant fucking eat in the halls so now we have to wait until you fucking find the keys and this day has gone to shit already

mustprotecc: Lmao sucker

chittychittychadchad: where even are you and Celia? 

mustprotecc: i aint snitchin 

chittychittychadchad: all right then, keep your secrets

Killme: AUDREY LET ME IN

Killme: AUDREY LET ME FUCKING IN

Excusemeprincess: we’re trying to find the key mal just stay calm

Killme: BUT MY PANCAKES

icantsleep: you know what fuck this

Are ye ready kids?: audrey really be out her jumping out of the window

Bibbidiboppidibitch: LONNIE DONT FOLLOW AFTER HER WHAT THE FCKL

swordlesbian: THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME

icantsleep: yeah but I think you gave Jane a heart attack

swordlesbian: oh shit

Are ye ready kids?: ngl kinda badass of you Audrey

icantaleep: thanks uma AND DID YOU REALLY JUST YELL ‘SORRY BABE’ TO JANE

swordlesbian: OH SHIT OH FUCK

Are ye ready kids?: Jane is really red and is now gay panicking

Are ye ready kids?: congrats you broke her Lonnie

swordlesbian: IM SO SORRY JANE I DIDNT MEAN TO UH FUCK SHIT IM A HUGE FUCKING IDIOT AHHHH

icantsleep: shes Naruto running back to the entrance

icantsleep: ill just wait shit I see Celia and Dizzy when did those two little shits get out

Killme: CAN SKMEONR JUST FUCKING LET ME IN

Excusemeprincess: with that attitude no wonder you’re a bottom

Aye aye captain!: OFFFFFFT

Are ye ready kids?: I KNEW IT BITCH

I can’t hear you!: well I just lost ten bucks

chittychittychadchad: oleasure Doing business with you hooker

babybeast: wbk

Killme: shut up SHUT UP SHUT UP YOU SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF BTUCHES EKFNELM

icantsleep: ALL OF YOU SHUT UP I WANT TO SEE WHATS HAPPENING BETWEEN THE LITTLE SHITS

Dizzy didn’t know why she was doing this, she was a gay mess, she was about to confess her feelings to her crush, and then what? Celia could reject her and then it’d be awkward and they would no longer be friends and-

“Hey! Diz!” The familiar sound of Celia’s voice filled Dizzy’s ears, “You zoned out again!”, the soft smile that appeared on her lips made Dizzy’s heart want to jump out of her chest, but she had to be strong, she had to admit her feelings first and then she’d go into a gay meltdown later. “Sorry Celia! I was just...thinking...” Dizzy replied back to the slightly smaller girl, she leant back against the tree they had sat near. “Well what were you thinking about? Your crush? Whom, by the way, you still haven’t told me who they are!” Celia said, leaning in slightly.

If Dizzy wasn’t panicking before, she was definitely panicking now, she became flustered and looked away from Celia, “T-That’s what I’ve b-been wanting to t-tell you about Celia...” Dizzy managed to stutter out. Celia gave her a smirk and Dizzy was sure her heart had melted.

“Alright then Diz! Tell me!” Celia said, a sparkle in her eye, secretly the fortune teller was praying to the gods that Dizzy liked her, otherwise her confession would go to waste. Dizzy gulped and then took a deep breath, she looked Celia in her beautiful eyes- not yet Dizzy, and the words came out, “It’s you, I have a crush on you Celia...”, a heavy blush had appeared on Dizzy’s cheeks.

Celia sat there dumbfounded for a moment, before the realization kicked in and she smiled brightly, she tackled Dizzy in a hug. “Oh thank the gods!” They both exclaimed at the same time. Celia then got up, a light blush on her cheeks while Dizzy still had her heavy one, and held out her hand to help Dizzy up. Dizzy smiled softly and grabbed her hand, but instead of getting up, she pulled Celia down to kiss her. The fortune teller happily obliged.

_We’re all gay and very chaotic_

icantsleep: What the fuck that was adorable holy shit 

Are ye ready kids?: why the fuck do people younger than us have a better chance at romance? 

Killme: wow Celia’s a bottom

Excusemeprincess: im taking your pancakes away

Killme: DONT YOU FUCKING DARE

chittychittychadchad: and so we have learnt that dizzy can get things done

littleshit: shut the fuck up all of you and admire the goddess before you 

mustprotecc: thank you celia 

Gaythief: HA GAYYYYYY

Gayhacker: jay we made out in a closet

I can’t hear you!: I both love and hate this chat simultaneously 

Aye aye captain!: Look Guys! Hooker’s using big boy words! 

I can’t hear you!: ILL FUCKING KILL YOU

babybeast: Hey I don’t know what the fuck just happened but I’m just make my way, fuck this shit I’m out! 

icantsleep: fucking nerds


	8. Finally some good fucking angst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m sorry Harry...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where Uma rants to Evie, Dizzy and a Gremlin about her problems
> 
> And then tells Harry

_2 Gremlins and Gay Idiots_

BlueberryBitch: alright time to do the thing we always do

BlueberryBitch: This is Dizzy, shes a hard working girl who I helped get off the Isle 

Gremlin: Hi! 

brokeandwoke: this is celia she has rabies 

Gremlin2: wassup ya little hoes

brokeandwoke: who the fuck taught you that you little shit

BlueberryBitch: i wonder 

brokeandwoke: shut up bitch

BlueberryBitch: anyway we need to discuss something 

Gremlin: uma being a gay ass little piece of shit who cant ever fucking admit shes in love 

BlueberryBitch: get on the fridge you little shit only me and uma are allowed to swear

Gremlin: this house is a fucking nightmare

Gremlin2: welcome to the fridge we have emo angst

brokeandwoke: Wait why the fuck is this about me

BlueberryBitch: its about your little crush

brokeandwoke: Listen audreys hot and shes a kinda villain

BlueberryBitch: WAIT SHIT YOUR CRUSH IS AUDREY

brokeandwoke: yeah why? 

BlueberryBitch: i fuckin thought it was harry

brokeandwoke: nah i see him more as a brother to me always has been always will be 

Gremlin: damn 

Gremlin2: incest is wincest 

brokeandwoke: shut up you gremlins

BlueberryBitch: oooooo this isnt gonna end well

brokeandwoke: yeah cause harrys got a crush on me i know

BlueberryBitch: How the fuck did you figure it out

brokeandwoke: hes been acting different lately and i talked to gil about it and he’s really shit at lying and im really good at threatening 

Gremlin: that makes sense then

Gremlin2: you gonna tell the hooker? 

brokeandwoke: yeah im gonna tell him today

BlueberryBitch: this is gonna hurt him

brokeandwoke: yeah but it’s better than leading him on for too long

brokeandwoke: wish me luck

Harry was patiently waiting by the special lake that Ben and Mal had went to on their fake date. Uma has wanted to talk to him about something and he had a feeling that maybe she was confessing her feelings to him? Gods he hoped so. Harry hoped that his little crush on the daughter of the sea witch would go away but no. It grew, and grew, and grew. He didn’t know why he was feeling these emotions and feelings but he just did. The way she fought so precisely, the way her hair fell perfectly, the way she handled the crew, it all made Harry go nuts for the girl. 

Not too long after, the familiar braided blue haired woman was arriving. She looked, worried? Why would Uma the fearless captain be worried? Harry shook his thoughts aside as he walked over to the woman. “Why hello there capn’!” The first mate said, putting up a mock salute. Uma gave him a small smile before sighing. She then looked at him in the eyes and said, “Harry there’s something important that I need to say...”.

Harry put his hand down, he was now worried, Uma genuinely looked guilty and she even sighed? Uma never sighed! She growled! Harry looked at her with sincerity in his eyes. “Tell me then Uma...” He said softly.

”I’m in love with Audrey...”.

Those words made Harry freeze, he could hear his own heart shattering into a million pieces. The girl he loved, loved someone else? 

“W-what?” Was all the messy haired boy could stutter out.

”I’m sorry Harry but I love Audrey...I know you have a crush on me but I...I don’t feel the same...” The captain said, looking him right in the eyes.

Harry’s eyes widened slightly, he then took a step back as he looked to the ground in shame, of course she loved someone else, he was a huge fucking idiot to think that someone as high and mighty and powerful as Uma would love someone like him, a weaker shell of his father, who couldn’t even fight a crocodile.

Uma sighed again, she lifted Harry’s chin up gently. “You can hug me if you want...but please don’t let this whole crush thing mess up our friendship...” She said smiling a little brighter.

Harry only nodded before wrapping his arms around the girl whom he loved. Uma wrapped her arms around him, the boy who’s heart she broke.

They both soon pulled away, Uma looking at him with a sad smile before turning around and walking away. She felt the guilt thrash around in her stomach. She knew what she did, but if she’s just continued to lead him on then that would’ve made it even worse if she told him how she felt. She just had to do it. Uma thought Harry would’ve followed soon after but she found herself back at Auradon, with no sight of Harry at all.

Said pirate was crying, he was crying because his heart was broken, he was crying because he thought he had a chance, he was crying because he thought he could finally love someone. All those reasons, were what kept him going. But now? All those reasons were broken down to dust, blown away to where his shattered heart lay. Harry finally stopped crying. He got up, rubbed his eyes. Told himself that he would be strong and happy for Uma. That he would be happy to see her get together with Audrey.

But he knew it was all a lie...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first attempt at this sort of thing, I tried my dudes


	9. Is this cocaine or snow?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> littleshit: HOLY SHIT GUYS COCAINE IS FALLING FROM THE SKY
> 
> mustprotecc: celia, sweetie, im genuinely concerned about how bad the isle was for you specifically 
> 
> littleshit: i wasnt traumatised i was just being a general dumbass
> 
> Are ye ready kids?: arent we all?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As it is so close to Christmas it is time I make a Christmas chapter!

_We’re all gay and very chaotic_

Killme: new idea guys! 

Are ye ready kids?: DUCK AND COVER PEOPLE MALS GONNA SAY SOMETHING STUPID

Killme: oh fuck you 

Excusemeprincess: just let her say what she wants to say uma 

Gaythief: *cough* Gay

Gayhacker: bitch whats our relationship then?

Gaythief: GOTTA BLAST

Gayhacker: OH NO YOU DONTGET BACK HERE YOU HANDSOME SON OF A BITCH

Killme: shut up bitches this idea is good

chittychittychadchad: speak now or forever hold your peace 

Killme: mistletoe but the two people underneath it has to fight

babybeast: mal thats a terrible idea

swordlesbian: mistlefoe

Bibbidiboppidibitch: Dont you dare encourage her Li Lonnidale

swordlesbian: I SAID I WAS SORRY DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO USE MY FULL NAME

icantsleep: you jumped out a fucking window and then calmly called her babe what were you fucking expecting you dumbass lesbian

mustprotecc: she’s not wrong me and celia saw you two jump out before I confessed

littleshit: ngl it looked awesome

swordlesbian: it was awesome!

Bibbidiboppidibitch: Lonnidale so help me I will

littleshit: Wait whats that

Excusemeprincess: whats What? 

littleshit: HOLY SHIT GUYS COCAINE IS FALLING FROM THE SKY

mustprotecc: celia, sweetie, im genuinely concerned about how bad the isle was for you specifically 

littleshit: i wasnt traumatised i was just being a general dumbass

Are ye ready kids?: arent we all? 

babybeast: Aw you called Celia sweetie! 

mustprotecc: Oh shit I did

littleshit: widjdodnekfn

Killme: WAIT FUCK ITS SNOWING?

Killme: WHY THE FUCK ARE WE INSIDE I WANNA HAVE SOME FUCKING FUN

icantsleep: snowball war

chittychittychadchad: um auds theyre called snowball fights 

icantsleep: i know what i texted

Excusemeprincess: well everyones going outside so let’s join them! 

Killme: YAY! 

Killme: its fucking cold

icantsleep: GEE MAL I WONDER WHY

Killme: FUCK OFF

mustprotecc: just enjoy yourself Mal! It’s a snow day! 

Killme: its still fucking cold tho

Are ye ready kids?: weak

Evie shook her head at the sight before her, Uma and Mal were now fighting in the snow, those two idiots would be the death of her. Audrey looked equally as disappointed but she had a little smirk on her lips. Like she was rooting for one to win.

littleshit: im cold

mustprotecc: you can have my scarf if you want! 

Gayhacker: im cold too jay

Gaythief: Well damn Carlos I can’t control the weather! 

Gayhacker: you beautiful dumbass

Celia and Dizzy smiled and chuckled softly at Jay and Carlos. Jay was embarrassed but he gave Carlos his scarf. Carlos seemed surprised but he gave a bright smile back to Jay. Both boys were being very very gay. Celia then looked at Dizzy, “Hey my hands are cold...” She said to the hair stylist. 

Dizzy just giggled and held Celia’s hands in her own, “There now they’re warm!” The bubbly girl replied. Celia then smirked, “You know, my lips are cold too...”. Dizzy went into a Windows Error Message right there and then before she leaned in and kissed Celia on the lips.

Killme: you know mistlefoe sounds like a really fun idea rn

Evie looked over at the two couples and gave them a happy smile, her crush however, was not helping the mood, Mal was still all for the mistlefoe idea and was now scheming, and when Mal schemed, Evie would be pulled into it.

Bibbidiboppidibitch: we’re going to the nurse’s office because I may or may not have accidentally punched Lonnie and now her jaw looks broken

Lonnie had sneaked up on Jane, and put a bit of snow down her neck, Jane had shrieked and turned around to punch whoever did that square in the jaw. Lonnie was having really bad luck these past few days. It ended up in an awkward trip to the school’s nurse while Jane apologized a lot.

Are ye ready kids?: hahahahaha FUCK IM GAY

Uma has seen the thing between Celia and Dizzy and she was right next to Audrey, the unamused insomniac looked over at the pirate captain. “What?” Was all Audrey mumbled out, Uma just had a smirk, “Ya know, my lips are-“ Uma didn’t get to finish that sentence as Audrey had already pulled her in by the back of her neck for a kiss, and a proper one at that. They stayed like that for a longer time than Dizzy and Celia had. And when Audrey pulled away all she said was, “Now they’re warm...” Before she walked off. Uma, was definetly warm now.

chittychittychadchad: BOW BEFORE OUR KING, KING FROSTYFLAKES

chittychittychadchad: NOOOOOO FROSTYFLAKES

Chad and Ben had decided to spend the snow day making a snow man, since they didn’t want to go with something unoriginal they went with Frostyflakes, kinda sweet actually. Ben then tripped and destroyed the precious snowman. Chad was devastated.

Harry was watching this all from his dorm window, from the two cute couples to Lonnie’s incident, to Ben’s incident, what hurt him most however, was Uma and Audrey kissing.

Gil had been by his side the whole time, comforting him through his heartbreak. Gil was a loyal friend, you’d want a Gil in your life. Harry knew that he was glad to Gil.

Harry then sighed again, he shut the curtains and fell on his bed, “I’m exhausted from all this...” His voice muffled by the sheets. Gil just simply nodded, “Well just rest then, it’s always good to take a rest to keep yourself healthy!” The slightly dim boy said brightly.

Harry had smiled softly while his face was covered, “Aight aight I’ll take a rest, just make sure I dinnae sleep for tae long!” He said with a slight Scottish accent. Having Merida as a teacher had brought it out again.

Gil got up quietly, “I’ll come back later, I’ll check up on the others too!” He whispered to the first mate before he left the dorm room. Harry chuckled quietly, feeling the drowsiness take over as he fell asleep.

Killme: hey hey hey guys the mistlefoe is up

Excusemeprincess: Oh gods who put it there

babybeast: *disappointed sigh* thats wiggity whack yo

Gayhacker: just no one go under it

Killme: but wait there’s more!

littleshit: tHeRe’S mOrE?!

mustprotecc: shes even doing the pose

Killme: ok fuck off you little shit

chittychittychadchad: What If you’re the little shit Mal?

Killme: GET BACK HERE

icantsleep: hey where is there mistletoe here?

Killme: WIAT FUCK NO

Excusemeprincess: Nice work Chad!

Are ye ready kids?: well now Audrey and Mal have to fight!

swordlesbian: ARE YOUUUUUU READY TO RUMMMMMBLLLLEEEEEEEEEE

Bibbidiboppidibitch: we’re back after an awkward talk with my mother about how lonnie managed to damage her jaw so badly

swordlesbian: shes warming up to me ya know

Bibbidiboppidibitch: wait WHAT THE HELL

Gaythief: mal got caught under the mistlefoe with audrey and Audrey wants revenge by captainsparklez

Gayhacker: CREEPER?! AW MAN!

Excusemeprincess: keep that up and youre next

Gayhacker: yess ma’am

icantsleep: iiiii dont want a lot for christmas

Gaythief: there is just one thing I need

chittychittychadchad: i dont care about the presents

Excusemeprincess: underneath the christmas tree!

icantsleep: i just want to beat mals ass

littleshit: more than my uncontrollable sass

babybeast: make sure Mal hides well!

icantsleep: all I want for christmas isssssssss wow Uma that’s swell!

chittychittychadchad:?

mustprotecc: uma giggled and now audreys gay panicking

Killme: oh thank god she stopped chasing me

Gaythief: Wait LONNIE DONT THROW THAT SNOWBALL WERE INSIDE

swordlesbian: INDOOR SNOWBALL WAR!

icantsleep: NOW THIS IS MY KINDA CHRISTMAS

Excusemeprincess: why does all the stupid shit always start with either lonnie or Mal

Are ye ready kids?: its Lonnie and Mal they’re natural dumbasses

swordlesbian: lmao nice

Bibbidiboppidibitch: well im officially fucking dead

Excusemeprincess: OH SHIT GODMOTHERS HERE

Gayhacker: SCATTER

Killme: MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS YA HO HO HOES!


End file.
